People and Predators

Ah well so much has happened in such a short time. Aren´t people amazing?- like treasure troves waiting to be discovered and I love it.
My second night was spent half way up a mountain in a tent with a Spanish lady who lived in Holland. Nothing like sharing a bit of air space to get down to the intimacies of life. After 5 mins we were discussing mid-life, marriage and why we were where we are together in a tent in a force 9 gale (thats what it felt and sounded like) on a May evening. Rosa was like a sparrow, a princess sparrow and was finding pilgrim life harsh. She planned to spend most nights in a hotel but there was no option here. It is much easier to go deep quickly when you don't have to live out the consequences of your conversation. Rosa had plenty of space to develop a more positive view on life but she cracked me up a number of times and peels of laughter ensued from her rather acerbic take on marriage after 28yrs to a Dutch man. We had agreed on meeting that we wanted to walk alone and that gave a greater freedom to our ensuing conversation. 7am after a sleepless night for Rosa was far too early to do anything other than complain and we finished breakfast together with her asking me the question 'What is it that I am drinking? Do you think this is coffee?
Actually remaining solo has been incredibly difficult. On the journey to St. Jean a group of 5 of us just hit it off- 3 from Ireland (such wonderful people), a Welshman and myself. I had already booked the 2nd night in the mountain refuge and they were doing the major hike up and over the Pyrenees in one. Conversation with one of these blokes had already gone deep and at his remark ´Hey another 33 days together like this, just think' I knew it was time to back off.
In the past year I have met 3 blokes, all in their 40's, all very attractive and all looking for the partner of their dreams. They seem to sense something in me that they lack themselves and hence it is like bees to a honeypot. You think I am talking myself up?- not at all. Fidelity and long-term commitment and making the decision to love when life is shitty can be incredibly difficult and our culture seems to have a vow of ' until I dont feel like it anymore'   All these men have just finished long-term relationships which never involved marriage.  At the risk of causing offence it seems to me that this is the easy way out. If you don't commit with a vow to start with then you can still feel good about yourself when you move on and still tutt about those who do things like have affairs. Its like taking the moral highground without the content of living it.
Also because life is lived this way the respect given to trespassing on someone elses marriage ground is non-existent. Everyone is fair game.
I did not come to seek the company of others but to draw away, to find a way to grow in grace, to find a path of forgiveness that can truly let the injury go. I need time and space for that and it would be so easy to take the easier route and walk with those who I have an affinity with. But I am not here for that and I have to fight my own nature to make connections, here, there and everywhere!
There are disadvantages to walking alone too. Having spent last night dining with 3 German ladies, one of whom pronounced she was a witch with 8 groups she guided, I had the unfortunate experience of trying to shake off an amorous 'pelegrino en velo' from France. At first it is flattering, then it becomes pesty and finally a little predatory, by which time I am normally having to keep 'comp kate' in order. It started with the offer to ride his bike, then moved onto share his tent, then use his cooking equipment and all those failing he finally offered me wine in abundance. This took place over 2 hrs by which time, with the added concern of walking through dense woodland alone, I felt a little shaky.
But God is so good and along came Markez, who is from Poland and who was more than happy to practice his English whilst affording me his protection through the environs of Pamplona, which, according to my guide book, are alive with thieves! We spoke of many things and finally got onto our spiritual journeys. Markez it turns out is a Catholic Christian and trying to seek God beyond his own denominational upbringing. It was truly wonderful to walk awhile alongside someone who also loves God, as so many people on the Camino are  quite hostile  in their own conversation about Him. This makes me sad and I wonder if it hurts God too?
 You know, before I spoke to Markez I sensed within myself that he was ´safe'. His eyes were clear and shone and as I have already shared in my Moroccan musings, I believe the eyes are the portal to the soul.
There is so much more to tell ,but bye for now.
Katex